Tygarjas Twyrls Blog

So, while I was looking up a song I could stick into last weeks post about forgiveness, I ran into the video below about forgiveness by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Now, as I was watching this video, I felt like she was talking about a slightly different form of forgiveness than I was.

Last week I was describing letting go of carrying hatred and rage toward a person who has wronged you by viewing them in terms of who they are. If one can see where someone else is coming from, how it is they came to wrong you, it tends to be a lot easier to let go of the pain they have saddled you with, because, odds are they were saddled with a sort of pain that was probably pretty unfair to begin with. And I talked a bit about my own efforts in forgiving someone who has a great deal of trouble not acting selfishly. I wrote that while at this point in time I’m learning not to carry animosity forward, the first step being to see how much pain that person is in, I also value myself enough not to stick myself in the path of his actions. And I’m disinclined in this moment to physically interact with that person because that person hasn’t learned to deal with his pain in a healthy manor yet, despite forgiving him his actions for my own sake. And if I were to forgive in terms of putting behind me his actions so as to continue a relationship forward, Dr. Laura’s advice below would then become more or less exactly what I would be looking for in order to feel like that person has matured past the problem unfortunately created within him to begin with.

Once again, enough about me, this is about you . . . Okay, maybe a little bit me too, but I’m going to start with a supposition: Without taking full responsibility for the harm that one has done to another, just as it clouds one’s connection to something bigger if one cannot find a way to let go of the pain caused by someone else, so too it clouds one’s connection to the divine if they lie to themselves about the pain they have caused others, and do not try to correct the problem existent in one’s self that allowed them to hurt someone else.

So, before coming to the punchline at the end of this video, I was already thinking to myself, “Well, I think I’m talking about a slightly different kind of forgiveness here, but this is really good advice for someone looking to correct their own errors of body and soul.” And so it occurred to me as I reflected even briefly upon the harm I have done people in my life, and what I needed to put myself through in order to make sure I committed myself fully to never acting in such a way again, that the advice Laura gives on forgiveness, while not necessarily in alignment with my views on forgiving others, is perfectly in alignment with my views on what a person needs to go through to forgive themself.

I mean, how can a person Love their self if they do not act in such a way so as to grow to become something more, something better than what they have been? In which case, if a person does not admit when they have harmed another, to themself, they cannot learn from that action so as to become someone who would not harm another in that way again. If a person cares about themself at all, they would look honestly at the pain they have caused others, even though it is painful to one’s self to look upon, if sincerely they don’t want to cause pain to people they believe that they care about in any way and on any level. And coming to the conclusion that it is painful to cause such pain, one will work as earnestly as possible, at least, never to act in such a way again. And at best, they will strive with all their being to make right what they have made wrong, if they are allowed to do so by whomever they have harmed to begin with. Otherwise, if a person is not willing to take such responsibility for their own actions, what does that make that person?

If we are created in the likeness of the divine, what view colors our perception of the divine if we do not seek genuine forgiveness of ourselves for our own actions by becoming someone who can never act in such a way again; by showing true remorse for what is apparently animal-like to be?

That being said, as you watch this, may you consider it advise not in what is necessary to forgive another for their wrong doing, but to forgive oneself for one’s own errors of being. Of course that being said, if you do find that you may wish to correct something about yourself so that you never harm another in such a way again, remember to have a little compassion for yourself, afterall, their was a reason you were mistaken in your approach to begin with, even if now it is time to grow up and out of the past that had created you accordingly.

Peace.