This story was inspired by– Well, never mind what it was inspired by. Enjoy!
Bring Out Your Dead!
“Let us raise the dead!”
“He’s only pining for the fjords. . .”
“PINING for the–. Never mind that! Find a corpse, command it to rise, and we’ll be on our way!”
“You want me to do the commanding do you? And what right have I to do that? Just because he owed you 20 bucks . . .”
“It’s not just the twenty bucks, if we don’t raise him he can’t be saved!”
“Saved from what?”
“Well, Satan of course . . .”
“He’s dead, what does he have to worry about Satan for?”
“Well, if we don’t resurrect him, Satan gets him for the rest of eternity.”
“No, no, you’re thinking of maggots, and really they only get him for a couple weeks tops.”
“Hello, Lord of the Flies . . .”
“Yeah Lords of flies, not maggots. Let Satan eat corpses! If there was anything to him but meat, that’s beyond arch-evil’s grasp. Angels will be feeding on that one if there was anything to him!”
“But we need to save him.”
“What, so angels can eat him instead of bugs? He’s being eatin’ one way or the other, it’s beyond our grasp now. Hell, what would I want to raise him for if I could, so that I could tell him what to be eaten by? He’s being consumed in the best way possible, let him enjoy it already, he’s suffered enough for it either way! Lord knows he was bombarded by his options as we all are. He chose already what will consume him, just because he owed you twenty bucks that doesn’t mean he was destined for–”
“IT’S NOT THE TWENTY BUCKS!”
“Yeah sure it wasn’t, it was just the principle of the thing. Look, here’s a twenty spot so that you can rest in peace tonight. I didn’t really need it anyway, now will you please let sleeping corpses lie.”
“I guess I don’t really have a choice in the matter if you won’t help me . . .”
“He gets his twenty, and all the sudden he’s not so adamant about animating the clay of the future, tut tut. Anyway, you show me something breathing to assist I’m all for it. Would you please put that shovel away now!”
“You know, he owed you fifty.”
“Seriously, it’s not about the money . . .”
Tygarjas Twyrls Blog 