In the beginning . . .
Chapter 4
Rain came crashing down from on high upon those of Heaven who had chosen to eat the fruit from the tree. Two lay now in mud, the aggressor and the aggressee. A couple of miles in the distance, Luciferous’ nostrils began to fill with mud created not by his own tears; he awoke out of a sleep composed entirely of self-pity, hopelessness, and longing. As he rose to his feet and took his first step toward where he had come, simultaneously he took his first step toward freedom from what he found himself to be. He cleared mud from his nose with heavy outward breathing, and turned his face to the water falling so heavily from the sky. He felt cleaner with his second step as he brushed watery dirt away from his eyes. Beginning to feel in any way clean, something inside of him knew that for him hope did exist somewhere, even if he could not feel it now. He directed his steps toward the tree of which he had come.
Several minutes later he arrived to see a large group of what looked like humans surrounding the tree. Their heads hung down. Through the cascading fall of the rain he could hear low moans and weeping, though it was faint beneath the water falling from the Heavens. As he approached they looked up at him and cleared a path, straight and direct, to the tree from where he had come, and to the two who lay beneath it held together by gravity and dread, fearing to leave what little warmth they caused each other by staying perfectly still in their shame. What little hope Luciferous held in his heart deserted to somewhere in the back of his mind as the dread of what lay at the foot of the tree gave rise to a second emotion, one new and foreign and containing something that did not feel right.
His natural impulse commanded his words to be, even to himself never minding the others, much louder than he had expected them to be: “What is the meaning of this? You two are not of each other? Tell me you two are of each other! Explain to me what this is! Have you already learned something that can help our charge that you two have already earned the right to bliss of reunion? That cannot be! You are Antagnous, and you Lousitous! You are not of each other; you are separate! Explain this apparent abomination! Tell me what is apparent to my eye is a misperception!”
Antagnous held her head lower, away from Luciferous’ gaze, and began immediately to sob loudly in the rain where before she couldn’t stop sobbing quietly to herself. Lousitous turned his gaze also from Luciferous, trying to console Antagnous by stroking her head through her hair, and softly rubbing the top of her shoulder. Luciferous’ eyes glowed red as he felt distain not only for what he saw, but now that his question was being ignored by two who obviously had acted in some way shameful for angels who were sent from the very mind of the divine to help the creation of the One that they themselves had been allowed by Its Grace to have had a proverbial hand in.
Seeing the emotion, anger, within Luciferous, even without having a word to call it, Hoflan, one who possessed the apparentness of male half, stepped forward to answer the question and emotion of Luciferous, “As you were named by Our Sovereign the most determined of us all to assist the creation Human to embrace fully in harmony the fact of their existence as the face likened to divinity, I feel compelled naturally to regard you as the most among us determined to drive us to succeed to reason we have been brought into existence as we now know it and the corresponding immediate agony-with-purpose of this existence. As your determination, as well as your experience being longest, as well as your place among us in service to That Which We Serve, I feel compelled to call you “sir” due to your obvious natural qualities that we feel compelled naturally to answer you as one who maybe might organize us best. And thus, sir, if you see fit, I would like to answer your question as Antagnous and Lousitous both have very good reason at the moment to recoil in dread not merely from your question, but from the fact of themselves as they know themselves now, and the fact of your question reminding them even further of themselves. Which is to say, to remind them further than they already cannot escape the burden they currently embody of their shame must make their recovery last even longer, as well as satisfy not your question. And thus, in the best interest of their recovery from what clearly to us all never should have taken place, as well as to satisfy your question, may I please answer for them, or will you please ask this query again from any of the rest of us who would be more appropriate in this moment to answer such a question as we are all eye witness to this pathetic horror, and all in better states of mind, despite the agony of the fact of our own existence, to be able to answer this question of yours?”
To see the desire of his apparent brother not merely to help his other brother and sister, but also to address his approach with respect and reason as close to his perceptions of the reality of his existence as he could so as to facilitate the best possible results for all involved, Luciferous answered thus, “Hoflan, in the Unity of Divinity we were equals in every way. My qualities as one made in the likeness of knowledge that necessitates individuality, I have yet to discern myself, but I trust you to see me as I am as I learn to do the same, and appreciate your respect of my truth accordingly. That being said, seeing you as a manifestation who strives for best results despite this pain we all must bear in most degrees mutually and unceasingly fully throughout our beings, if you would refer to me as sir for what you see as me, then knowing that your own eye and perceptiveness may hold the very keys for leading humanity to harmony, I’d be remiss if I did not refer to you as “sir,” for it is your sincerity of being that has already begun to cure me of the awfulness I felt so terribly in my self mere moments ago, though this strange heat lending to confusion is something that has far from left me. So, sir, yes, please, tell me the fullness of this shame before us. Why do they seem so unfit in being for servants of Divinity?”
Hoflan was grateful of being reminded of the mutuality of their common existences as he addressed Luciferous an answer, “Sir, as we were being created in the lackingness of what we are now, pains and agonies the entirety of which we were not prepared for, as you too must well know, tore through any composure of harmony in being we may ever have, even more so than the still almost-complete lack of harmony of self we still feel just moments later. Likewise many of us, nay, all of us felt natural urges that accompany bodies divided from our other halves as they are. And many of us too would have acted in blindness toward our sisters and brothers out of the mechanics of our animal vessiality if not for the fact of Lousitous giving into his animal grief and affliction first.
“And so it happened that there arose in him something akin to what you felt moments ago, mixed with his grief, mixed with his desires of body, and the timing of seeing two bodies very much alike in scope, from behind, aligned in front of his eyes filled with nothing but pain, and he answered the impulse of his body shamefully, pushing his inherent conscience away, as though to the very back of his mind as it would go, and answered his impulse of pain and body mixed as though it were a command. Saying that he chose to do what he did, sir, would not be accurate, though he is solely responsible for what he did next, but rather what he chose was to try instantaneously to cease the pain within him that any consciousness would reaffirm a thousand times over could not be escaped by desire alone; a, something, that his body is not capable of having any understanding of whatsoever as its sole self-knowledge of being is its impulses, for the sake of optimum functionality of the entirety of the being it serves, to eat. And so, the impulses of his dread of existence overcoming his reason to the extent of believing the voice of his body, because his pain was too great for him, might know his existence better than he, himself, he acted perfectly contrary to what we have chosen to exist to effect. He took to Antagnous in mockery of how with every fiber of his true self he would wish most to share the blessing of their existence with Lassicity.
“He committed this shame just as Antagnous’ masculinity and completeness was leaving her. And in her pain, she responded very much out of completely-in-every-way similar mechanisms to those inflicted upon her by Lousitous.
“While initially she was purely taken by surprise, and thus completely unwilling in every way, when she found the fullness of her pain distracted so well by the pain of the terror of being used out of the fullness of the pain of Lousitous, she responded in part knowing a similar hunger of her own physicality, and attempting to silence her own deep anguish through a similar blasphemy of the joke made out of the action in some way similar to sharing the purpose of existence, completeness, Love, she responded not by struggling with hope that both their burdens might be lessened more than they had already become compounded, but instead gave her-self to the continuance of this new pain with whatever fleeting enjoyments of her mechanics would allow, and thus mutually they prolonged each-other’s pain for as long as possible until finally they both succumbed simultaneously to the extra burdens of suffering that became so great they finally broke them out of the prolonging-for-the-sake-of-ceasing their genuine-agony-for the–sake-of–the-benefit-of-all-existence the artificial joy of which they had, at some point, mutually engaged in.
“And again, though she is only half-responsible for her part in this shame, she too, out of desire to escape the unequivocal fact of her existence, and her physicality speaking of escaping pain from the only voice it knows, a voice that is unbecoming for one with a genuine self to listen too, she too sought any escape from the inevitable, inescapable, and currently absolutely necessary mode of being, the burden of which she currently must bear, the completeness of her inherent pain coupled with the pain of all her senses being overloaded by being so abruptly violated, by way of her vessel, whose voice under the circumstances became so much louder than her own.”
Luciferous’ head sank down and his head shook of its own accord. The fullness of the result of the shame of the tragedy that had gone on, the results of which were now before him, sank into his already unfortunate emotional state as Luciferous knew the reason for organically feeling the despair not only within the two laying just beyond the roots of the tree, but also those who had witnessed, and could not violate without even further burdens upon them all, the action of the remnants of free will resigned to the hungers of the bodies of their brother and sister.
With deep sincerity of sadness upon his face, Luciferous looked into the eyes of the crowd before him as he spoke, “We are fortunate that the humans have yet to learn such a lesson as we have today. Our bodies think much as the creature created before us all, called by the human ‘ape.’ To try to hide from the pain proper for us to feel, for it motivates us singularly to cure the inherent misery we have come to eliminate from the hands of these beautiful creatures we helped create, by believing the whims of a source of thought not of our own volition, in particular the thoughts of our bodies, is to allow ourselves to act not as beings with reason directed toward The Divine, but as those creatures who are not created in The Image, apes. That it serves as a reminder to us all what happens when our pain is so great we are tempted by the natural mechanics of our bodies to resign the reason of ourselves to the less intricate reason of our bodies out of desperation we can rise above so long as we hold onto our genuine selves, let us call burdening each other in this most shameful way that we remember when we do so we are no more than apes. Are no more than apes, or, are apes. Are, as the corresponding letter Raish, and ape. And thus should mankind discover such shame upon their own hands, that they too are as an ape, they too will call this are-ape. Rape.
“Antagnous, please look at me.”
Antagnous slowly raised her head half up from the ground and raised her gaze to meet the eye of Luciferous. Luciferous pitied her red eyes, tears mixing with the fall of the rain so that one could not be discerned for the other. He looked up ever so slightly to where Lousitous’ head hung still in shame and pain.
“Lousitous, how could you do that to Antagnous’ love?”
Antagnous answered, giving Lousitous no reason to try to lift his head from where it hung of its own dejection, “Angnosis, who in any lifetime I pray would still have me as his only, though now I cannot believe I could ever deserve it, ran off right before Lousitous was upon me. While in the lives of men any in my place would be a victim of the worst kind, not blessed to know themselves as we know ourselves; made in such instance to be used, and maybe in accordance destroyed unjustly, aside from the pain of having any truth of myself violently stripped from a form that might otherwise be blessed to exist with true being, for surcease of the agony of the existence I discovered myself to be once Angnosis’ hand left me, I wanted it too.” And with that she let her head again fall, and was grateful when a wind arose to cover her wail, that it might not be distinguished from the sound of the rushing air.
. . .
Luciferous walked away toward trees at the edge of the garden that he might think upon so much misery of his existence so soon after arriving in the created form in which he chose to arise.
When he reached the trees, one stood there waiting for him.
She spoke through a smile she pressed to her lips as though her life depended upon it. Her smile was not fake, but determined through sadness that her voice be heard well, “Tell me, Luciferous, that Lousitous is all right.”
“You are his other then?”
“Lassicity at your service as you might need of me.”
“Then please forgive me for having to bring you the unfortunate tale that the one you must feel so deeply for as to be in a pain I hate to be able to fully imagine, is less than all right.”
“You need not tell too much, I knew our immediate fate upon my separation. And so too did Angnosis, which is why he did not come. He did not trust himself to stay away from Antagnous, nor did he trust himself to restrain himself from the instinctuality of his beastial form to act as though in protection for himself, and thus harm mine. He felt the least provocation might blind him to his true self and lose control of the vehicle of his animal self. He carries his message thus, ‘Dear beautiful of me, my only desire and longing, no inclination of yours could make my heart beat for you less. And my forgiveness will too be full for my brother as I would long for her who’s union of myself I desire. And thus shall be my work until we our met, by the grace of our common creator, again.’”
“And so too would I have you carry a message for me for Lousitous, “Raise your head to see the work destined for our love, and look no more to the blindness’ of your beginning. From the greatest darkness shall you know the reason to cast the brightest light. And I bid you do so, if for no other reason, the sake of my hand, my lip, my loin, my beating heart that longs to keep rhythm with our existence as one. Your child is as mine, that I may lessen the burden of my sister, who shall bless us all with this gift unintentional that she agreed to from the desire of her own pain to stop.”
To which Luciferous spoke, “I have listened and learned. It shall be done as you have bidden me. As we rise we shall rise together, that we may have no need together again to fall.”
And Lassicity bowed in reverence of her brother, gratitude of his sincerity, and acknowledgment of their common burden shared before she turned back toward the trees to continue her work for which they had all agreed to be create as they were.
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