A deeply personal meditation for me as I enter the New Year. May the New Year bring joy to my readership and also all in this world.
How Long?
“I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place!”
“How cliché.” She smiled a little as she watched him writhe in his own mental anguish.
“But it’s as accurate a way to say it as any I know.” He frowned. “Everything I’ve lived over the last three decades tells me I’m an idiot if I look at anyone but her. But how long am I supposed to wait for her to speak to me? It’s been more than twenty percent of my life I’ve waited with her in mind; struggled, grown, worked; become something more than a lazy shit-head dominated by fear. How long am I supposed to wait?”
“You’ve already described to me the ways you feel inadequate in your life. Is that really what you wish to offer her? Sex is easy to come, like the much touted quad-hourly bus, if that’s all you want out of your life. But, as I understand it, unexpected children aren’t cheap and you’re already pretty ashamed of your debt . . . caused by necessity though it may be.
“You ask me how long you’re supposed to wait? I think the answer to that question is another question. How much do you really love her?”
Tygarjas Twyrls Blog 
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